I never thought that I would still have the chance to be happy again. I never had the second chance to think that life would give me another chance to see a brighter side of me...inside a prison called commitment. I am a prisoner. A convict. I never thought that loving so honestly and giving much is making my own prison. I never thought that giving so much will give me less. My life. My love. My Hope...so complicated. Then, I became tired.
And I searched for freedom...wounded...severely bleeding...I ran away from that prison.
I never thought that I would find another way to live.
But somehow, along the road where I was walking, I met a person who I don't know. A stranger...
I covered the wounds... I covered the bleed. But I know, she saw it.
Then, we walked.
We walked together along the way unknowing what were inside our own hearts. We don't even know what each others life then. The only thing I know the first time I met her was that she knows that I was wounded inside while we were walking together. She knows that I need her that moment.
She might have known that I am hurt inside but she preferred not to let me know for some reason. I really don't know. But somehow I felt comfort, joy, laughter and relief while I am walking with her. It has been very long since I felt these moments. This joy. This being with someone. Its been a long time since I had my last smile. The prison is lonely, painful and deadly. I just never thought these moments would come again.
Time and again while we were walking, I am drifted and forget that I am wounded inside. We chat. We laugh. We tease and we smile a lot. And, we keep silent when we were out of anything to say. Then the walking, chatting, teasing and smiling start all over again.
Certainly, we were happy doing that. I know because I see that we are smiling together. I can still feel the soothing relief of the moment.
At times, she asked me about some serious questions, but she does that very carefully because she does not want that she might hurt me even more. I answered her questions honestly and I felt from her eyes that she understands every bits of words I said. I know she felt the loneliness in my heart, the insanity in my mind...and my broken soul.
Sometimes, in order to hide even more the wounds I was hiding, I ask her the same question she asked me. I also did cautious about what I ask and what I say because she might see the wounds I was covering inside. It may be unfair for her, but I did that because I don't want to lose the joyful moment we have.
Also, at times we are headed to different detours and we have to choose which way to go. We stop for a while, seat, talk, and laugh amidst the intersections. Then, unknowingly we find ourselves walking again.
Since I was severely wounded inside, I get tired along the way. I stop talking to her every time I feel the pain inside the wounds. At that moment, she stops talking too. She waits until I can talk once more.
She smiles when she hears my voice again. She might has figured along the road that the pain isn't simple. I know she does not want to tell me that she knows that I am bleeding inside because of the wounds. Instead, what she does is to make me smile, laugh and be comfortable with her.
Every time she feels that I am getting tired again, she always ask me If I am alright even if I know that she knows that I am really not.
The road seems to be endless and confusing but somehow along the way, the pain inside the wounds is getting cured by the care she unconditionally gives me.
Once along the way, I ran away from her because the bleeding inside starts to blot my shirt. I do not want her to see the bleed so I ran as far as I can. I might have gone so far and I cannot see her from where I was. I felt weak. I fainted. I stumbled. I do not know what happened next.
I do not have any idea how long I was in my unconscious state. I can not even remember what happened then.
As I opened my eyes, I saw comfort again. The blue sky and the birds singing under the soft clouds overwhelms my eyes. The cool breeze with the scent of green grass cleanses my spirit. I smiled and suddenly I realized that I was lying over a smooth silk of her care. I felt peace and relief as she brushes my hair with her smooth hand. Indeed, the birds and the sky was beautiful but her face with her eyes staring at me that moment was prettier. She smiled at me and asked me if I am fine.
She puts her soft hand into my head and gently brushed my hair again. She followed me when I ran away from her. Only then I was satisfied that she knows that I am severely wounded and that I don't need to hide because she knows it very well. She followed me where ever I go. Now, I know her very well. She is there where I am.
The only reason why I can tell so much about her is because... she is my best friend.
Then, I felt the comfort of living a happy life again. That even someday I will be caught and put into that prison again because of this escape, I know that outside that prison, there is still hope and a simple reason to be happy with my life...being jailed.
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