Blog Of Neil Lord Guitang

1.
NUNG BATA PA SI INDAY.
Nanay: Day, bat ba ang tigas tigas ng ulo mo?
Inday: Nay, intransigence is just normal for us juveniles.
Nanay: Day, anong nakain mo? I'm pertubed by your words!
Inday: Nay, ala namang gantihan.

2.
"Thank you for calling. This is Inday How can I provide you world
class service today?" - si Inday, nag call center na, finally!

3.
I certainly believe that though we didn't make it for the sixth time,
still the noise of our crowd was enough to conquer the Big Dome. The
yells and cheers of the true champion couldn't be beaten by those who
think that they "rock". Wasn't it shameful to enjoy a regime with a
point difference? Knowing that they exerted enough effort, duh? At
least, deep within me, I aggressively defend my "Go Uste"! Eventhough
we did fell on our first pyramid. - reaction ni Inday sa nakalipas na
UAAP Cheerdance

4.
Did it ever occur to you that the ultraviolet rays of the idiot box
can bring harmful radiation to the retinal area. It could lead to
blurred vision, worse, permanent blindness. - pinagalitan ni Inday si
junior sa sobrang lapit manood ng TV.

5.
Amo: Nabalitaan mo na ba ang nangyari kay Mang Tomas, nakulong ata
kasi bumili ng nakaw na cellphone kahit inosente siya?
Inday: Ganun talaga yung Ati!
Amo: Aba, nagmamarunong ka na ha?
Inday: According to the provisions of the law of obligations and
contracts, in that case, the law has the presumption that "ignorance
of the law excuses no one from compliance thereof"
Amo: ganun? (dugo ilong!)

6.
Don't limit my capacity to the four corners of this luxurious abode.
Expose me to the real challenges of the outside world because I want
to grow as an individual with dynamic experiences. - si Inday,
nagrereklamo dahil ayaw siyang isama ng amo niya sa Enchanted Kingdom

7.
Overnight inaral ng amo ni Inday ang dictionary para may pangtapat
siya kay Inday.
Amo: So Inday, tell me, how do you accept the fact that you are just a
mere chambermaid in this extravagant mansion?
Inday: Una camarera? Eres tan pathetic. La unica razon que inscribi tu
casa es porque nada esta sucediendo dentro de tu casa cuasi-agradable.
Quisiera traer una poca clase en este hogar pero conjeturo que no
puedo porque esta casa es fea.
Amo: (Tulala!)

8.
Nagmamani: ah mani mani mani malutong mani kayo dyan oh! Limang piso
lang mani kayo dyan oh!
Inday: Mr. Peanut, are those nuts cropped from a high class soil
fertilized through an advanced agricultural method to produce a rich
tasted appetizer which you, Mr. Peanut, dried it in a premium grade 0%
fat canola oil with a low salt solution to consider those low
cholesterol diet practitioner like me?
Nagmamani: Pakyu!

1.
Sa Resto:
Waiter: Ano po order nila, Ma'am?
Amo: Yung fried chicken meal na lang. Ikaw Inday, ano sa iyo?
Inday: I would like to partake of a dish of sauteed pork and chicken,
boiled in thick essence of soy and cane extracts, with copious amounts
of garlic, onion and laurel, sprinkled generously with fine spices and
served with a generous helping of root crop and a helping of rice.
Amo: Iho, abodo with rice daw.

2.
driver: hoy! bakit sais lang ang bayad mo? siyete na ang pamasahe
ngayon. t*nga!
inday: i am currently enrolled in a 2-year vocational course in an
academic institution. therefore, i am a student and, by this fact, i
am entitled to have the inalienable right to avail of a certain
discount on my jeepney fare. this is why i provided a payment less
than what you expected because that is according to the law, as stated
in the fare matrix moron!
driver: (dumugo ang ilong!)

3.
Txter: hi, can you be the textmate?
Inday: it depends if you can abide by my heavy sched. you see, i get up
at 5am to cook for my boss, then do the chores until after suppertime.
only then can i reply but i would be very tired already so i guess i
won't be of much use as a text mate.

4.
FLASH REPORT: Inday is alive she's not yet dead. SOCO found out that,
the impostora of Inday was killed. Ederlyn (Inday's neighbor) was the
mastermind.
SOCO: Bakit mo siya pinapatay?
Ederlyn: Kasi inagaw niya sa akin si Dodong!
Inday: Mythemaniac! He was never yours.
Ederlyn: Dong, di ba mahal mo din ako?
Dong: I never said, that I loved you! (mala-Sam Milby!)

5.
The principle "dictum de omni" best describes the events that have
transpired moments ago. Capital punishment is what I've been
expecting, but death is said to be un-Christian. Therefore, reclusion
perpetua comes close to what is best served. I don't hold grudges on
him and the absolute proposition is that he must accept his fate
dictated by law. - reaction ni Inday sa panonood sa promulgation ng
idol niyang si Erap

6.
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
I would like to inform the general public that I'm still ALIVE and
KICKING. Contrary to the text messages that have been circulated
lately. I have already seek legal advice regarding this rumor and my
lawyers are already preparing legal actions for the perpetrator. There
will be a bicameral investigation in aid of legislation regarding this
matter.

Sincerely, Inday.

7.
"Morons! I was never raised by my mom to be a coquette! I'm nurtured
with such dignity, respect, and morality! Even poverty can't make me
do such scandalous act. Sexyness is from within. I don't rely on
aesthetic products and on skimpy outfits. So pathetic!" - banat ni
Inday matapos siyang aluking magpose sa FHM

8.
"I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the
use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will
contribute significantly to the value of work that you want. My
creativity, productivity and work efficiency and the high quality of
outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress" sabi ni Inday sa
interview ng bago nyang amo!

9.
Consul: Why do you wanna go to US?
Amo: To travel, to visit my friends, and fly the airplane?
Consul: Denied! And you?
Inday: For life is a never-ending pursuit of material and social
satisfaction that I tender my great intent of actualizing a
trans-pacific journey to the land of milk and honey. An affable
sanctuary where dreams become reality and a perfect habitat where
souls like mine can reach the pedestal of freedom.
Consul: LIFETIME MULTIPLE ENTRY VISA GRANTED!
Amo: Pot*h ka!

10.
"Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right
direction. Show me a person who has never made a mistake and I'll show
you somebody who has never achieved much" - comment ni Inday sa
pagkakamali ni Martin Nievera sa pagkanta ng Lupang Hinirang!

1.
Listening to the nonsense talk about someone's life is a pathetic way
of entertainment. It doesn't contribute to the good of society. I hate
character assassinators! - reklamo ni inday nung matsismis sya ng
kapitbahay!

2.
500 globe plan subscription
1800 glutathione tablet
600 olay total effects
1500 crocs flip flops
2000 for mama
- binabudget ni Inday ang sweldo niya

3.
Amo 1: Inday, ano gamit mo sa katawan mo, ang kinis mo kasi eh?
Amo 2: Siguro gumagamit ka nang Papaya.
Amo 1: Baka naman kalamansi?
Inday (Babanat na naman): No!
"Only Belo touches my skin, who touches yours?"

4.
Nurture others with positive, truthful words, not words that hurt. It
doesn't cost anything to do so. But mean what you say, and say what
you mean. Do it everyday. This is one of the most obvious qualities of
the most beloved people. If you cannot be generous financially, at
least be generous with your words. - yan ang sabi ni inday ng di siya
pinautang at pinagmumura pa ng amo niya.

5.
I understand that sexual urge is most of the time uncontrollable since
a lot of factors contribute for it to be triggered. This is also the
reason some men are found to be polygamous and engage themselves in
sexual acts even with someone who's a total stranger to them - sabi ni
Inday matapos siyang gapangin ni Kuya!

6.
Inday: I pity you for you have degraded your very own pride and
dignity by resorting to this despicable behavior just for wealth, and
I hope that one day you'll realize that you should not use humans as
means of your ends. As what the great philosopher Kant uttered, "treat
a man as an end in itself."
Holdaper: Shut up! Coz if you don't the bullet in this gun will rest
upon your empty head!

I was shot by a 9mm bullet in the head damaging my entire skull so
that I will die and stop speaking english preventing people from
nose-bleedin' - In loving memory of Inday

I thought I was dead. I must have been in a near-death experience. I
believed I survived to tell the world that we are not just a bunch of
household slaves, but persons of dignity and character - si Inday,
matapos makarecover sa coma

7.
Biodata ni Inday:
Name: Inocencia Binayubay
Age: 18
Parents: Aling Seling and Mang Andoy
Siblings: Iying 13, Itoy 8, Iking 5
Educ: College - La Salle Zobel 2nd yr
Educ: HS - P. Gomez High School (Valedictorian, Best in English)
Educ: Elem - Sta. Monica Elem. School (Valedictorian, Best in Dancing)
Work Experience: 3 yrs, Household Service Manager - Mr. and Mrs.
Montemayor

8.
The oil normalizing series specifically designed for my oily skin not
only works physically on the skin surface, but penetrates deep into
the skin layers to normalize oil secretion for a healthy and
long-lasting oil free skin. - paliwanag ni Inday habang nasa harap ng
salamin, nagpapahid ng Chin Chun Su.

9.
With the upcoming holiday, I forecast travel plans to my hometown so
that I may visit my family. In line with this, may I request that my
financial budget be reviewed so that I may take a portion in advance?
Justification as follows: for the dual purpose of
(a) finalizing my flight booking
(b) bringing tokens of appreciation to my parent, siblings, and
cousins up to the third level of consanguinity. - si Inday
bumabale para makapag bakasyon sa pamilya.

10.
1. Fendi Handbag
2. Ba,enciaga sandals
3. Manolo Blanihk high heels
4. CHANNEL furr coat
5. Ipod Video 80 gig
6. Motorola Razor Dolce and Gabbana edition
7. Sony Bravia Flat Screen Plasma TV
8. Aquamarine Diamond Wristwatch
9. Louis Vuitton Travelling Bag
10. Obagi System Skin Care Line
11. Shiseido Cosmetics
12. One week vacation spree at the Bahamas
- wish list ni Inday for Christmas. Nakadikit sa refrigerator ng amo nya!

1.
"Bloody hell!!! What the f*ck did just landed on my cutie top? I mean
I've spent all day just to make myself look fabulous. I think I'll
have this eewy thing removed in a whip wham of time!", -reaction ni
Inday nung natalsikan sya ng mantika habang nagluluto ng tilapia

2.
"Potatoes, when consumed in their raw state are rapidly converted to
glucose that raises insulin levels because of its simple sugar. When
cooked in high temperatures like French fries, they produce large
amount of free radicals in the body causing aging, clotting,
inflammation, cancer, weight gain. One French fry is worse than one
cigarette." - sagot ni Inday nang tanungin bakit di siya nagluluto ng
French Fries

3.
"Ipomea aquatica has become the constant ingredient to this Filipino
delicacy which is very helpful in the digestion during the peristaltic
process of the food we intake. Due to the continuous rains and floods,
the harvest of the said vegetable has lessen the production in the
market.", -banat ni Inday kung bakit walang "kangkong" sa nilutong sinigang

4.
"Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration
occurs to the reaction site and release of chemotactic and
anaphylotoxin including histamine and prostaglandins. These substance
results to increase circulation to the site promoting redness." -sagot
ni inday nun tanungin ni sir kung bakit may rashes si Junior

5.
Mister: Bakit tuwing pag-uwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng TV??!!!
Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing!

6.
"Physical stress and excessive work may result to serious damage to
one's body. It is therefore essential that once in a while we take a
break from our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once
had." - sabi ni Inday sa amo noong humingi siya ng dayoff

7.
Misis: Inday, bakit mo binenta yung sirang silya?
Inday: I have computed the chair's fair value less cost to sell, and
the value in use using projections for 5 years and a pre-tax discount
rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the
chair. This in accordance with PAS 18 on Revenue, PAS 16 on Property,
Plant, and Equipment, and PAS 36 on Impairment of Assets! - si Inday CPA din pala.

8.
Amo: Bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!
Inday: A change in weather patterns might have occurred, wreaking
havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates
that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path
it was heading for.
Amo: ganon?!

9.
Off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such
unabashed display of vagrant destitution! - si Inday, pinapaalis ang
makulit na pulubi sa gate

10.
"Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages
and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment inflicted
upon you!" - pinagbabawalan ni Inday na maglikot ang mga bata

Accountant Jokes

Question and answer
1.
Q: What is the definition of an accountant?


A: Someone who solves a problem, you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.


2.
Q: What does an accountant do for birth control?


A. He talks about his business.


3.
Q: What is an extroverted accountant?


A: One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.


4.
Q: What is an insolvency practitioner?


A: Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.


5.
There are just two types of accountants:

Those who can count and those who can't.


6.
Q: Why did the auditor cross the road?


A: Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.


7.
Q: How do you drive an accountant completely insane?


A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.


8.
Q: What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?


A: Depreciation.


9.
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and an accountant?


A: The accountant knows he is boring.


10.
Q: How was copper wire invented?


A: Two accountants were arguing over a penny.


11.
Q: What's an auditor?


A: Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.



12.
Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?


A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.


13.
Q: What's the definition of a good tax accountant?


A: Someone who has a loophole named after him.


14.
Q: What's an extroverted accountant?


A: One who looks at your shoes while he's/she's talking to you instead of his/her own.


Accountants don't die, they just lose their balance.


15.
Q: What's an accountant's idea of trashing his/her hotel room?


A: Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

16.
Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant?


A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's/she's retiring.


17.
Q: What's an actuary?


A: An accountant without the sense of humor.


18.
Q: Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?


A: They find bookkeeping too exciting.


19.
Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?


A: Invite an accountant.


20.
Q: What is GAAP (generally accepted accounting principles)?


A: The difference between accounting theory and practice.


Reference: ahajokes.com

More accounting jokes here!

INDAY JOKES (ang ingliserang katulong)
1
Attached herewith is a list of proposed acquisition in line with my
proposal to upgrade your household facilities. I have already made
initial survey of current market prices. Note however that prices
could vary depending on the prevailing exchange rate and aggregate
supply and demand which we also monitor on a hourly basis. - si inday,
nagpapaalam para mamalengke

2.
Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well
engineered design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium
with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ. - sagot
ni inday ng tanungin ng amo bakit may bukol si junior

3.
I want to persevere in life. I want to break free from where I am. I
want to travel the world, see all the beautiful sights and sceneries.
I want to be complete! - Naks si Inday, pwedeng model ng Centrum


4.
Amo: Alam mo Inday, bakit di ka na lang mag-callcenter,
paingles-ingles ka naman?

Inday: I don't think that I want to have easy money for I know that
choosing such employment is already limiting myself from experiencing
enthusiastic ways of expressing what I feel by means of what I do,
thus imprisoning myself with an incapable mind which will result to
doubt and uncontentment.

Amo: Ay ewan ko sa iyo! Dinudugo na ako!

5.
Much as I want to indulge in the proliferation of such indecent and
malicious information, I want to lift the stigma and alleviate
society's perception of our profession! - Si Inday, tumatangging
makipagtsismisan sa katulong sa kabilang bahay sa oras ng siesta

6.
It's hard to run from a feeling that haunts you every now and then,
painful to tell your heart that you don't need it. You keep on
pretending that you are better to be alone, when in fact you feel so
empty. But why take chances if you see no hope? Why try if there's
nothing to win for? Sometimes, it pays to wait. Never hurry, let
infatuation die a natural death and give birth to true love when it's
time. - advice ni Inday sa amo niyang broken-hearted

7.
I hate how coffee turns into an addiction and how it keeps you up all
night. How it burns and makes your heart beat fast. Especially how it
makes you crave for its rich and sweet promises of grains, milk, and
sugar. Moments later, it puts you into a melancholic mood of coolness.
Before you realize, it has consumed you before you should have
consumed it. Empty. Hollow. Bitter. Then again. You crave for another cup.
Just like love. - Si Inday nag-eemote sa Starbucks

8.
"It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can
only imagine how you can handle schizophrenic kids on this educational
institution. Revise your policies because it sucks!" - si Inday kasama
si Junior sa principal's office

9.
Inday: Dear mother, had it not been for the smelling salt, I must have
collapsed a moment ago. Junior has become a little monster to me.
Remember the head accident he had? As if I wasn't enough, he was
summoned by the principal of his shabily run academe. Oh, such an
erudite bunch of baboons! I never thought being a governess can be
such strenous employ!

Tatay: Walanghiya ka! Magpadala ka ng pera! Nasa ospital ang nanay mo,
dumugo ang ilong kakabasa ng pesteng sulat mo!

10.
How do I stop falling for someone? How do I defy the pull of gravity?
Can I just flee? Flee before I hit the ground and suffer the pain and
tell myself: "Why do I choose to fall in the first place, when I know
from the start, that someone's never gonna be there to catch me
anyway?. - tanong ni Inday sa sarili niya ng mainlove siya sa amo niya

-------gusto mo pa? Abangan ang Part 2. Gusto mo ng Wiki-kiki? Click here.

Eto na sariwang-sariwa ang pagkabilasa ng mga jokes na ito na AYAW MO MABASA.

Sigurado ka gusto mo pa basahin?

Sige ka baka mabobo ka. Mahirap mahawa sa Bob-ong Genius sige ka.

Teka, teka, sandali!!! Ge na nga, bahala ka! (e sa gusto mo matawa!!!)

1.
Tatay: 'Nak, bili mo nga ako ng softdrinks.
Anak: Pepsi o Coke?
Tatay: Coke.
Anak: Bote o In-can?
Tatay: Bote.
Anak: 8 oz. o Litro?
Tatay: Buwisit ka! Tubig na nga lang!
Anak: Mineral o Distilled?
Tatay: Mineral.
Anak: Malamig o Hindi?
Tatay: Walang hiya ka, papaluin na kita!
Anak: Walis tingting o Tambo?
Tatay: Hayop ka!
Anak: Baka o Kambing?

2.
ANG ILONG!! (Bow!)
TUKMOL: Kung matalino ka talaga, bakit dalawa ang buyas ng ilong natin??
KUPS: yun lang, hindi mo alam?? Siempre, para makahinga habang nililinis natin yung isa!!!

3.
Barker: Ah Cubao! Cubao! Cubao! Cubao! Cubao! Cubao! Cubao! Cubao! Cubao! Cubao! Isa na lang aalis na! Cubao! Cubao! Cubao!
Pasahero: Cubao?

4.
Pag-uusap ng dalawang mag-syota matapos tumawid sa kalye ang babae habang umuulan ng malakas. Papunta ang babae sa kabilang kalsada para puntahan ang lalaking boypren.
Boypren: "O, bat basang-basa ka?"

5.
Dalawang bingi naguusap:
Bingi-1: Mamamalengke ka ba?
Bingi-2: Hindi. Mamamalengke ako.
Bingi-1: Ah, kala ko mamamalengke ka.

6.
Praying for 10 Pesos Sa loob ng simbahan ng Quiapo, isang batang pulubi ang mataimtim na nanalangin sa Diyos.

Pulubi: "Panginoon kung maaari po sana ay bigyan ninyo ako ng sampung piso dahil gutom na gutom na lang po ako."

Narinig sya ng isang pulis na kasalukuyan ding nagsisimba at bumilib sya sa katatagan ng bata sa pananampalataya sa Diyos. Sa kanyang habag ay dumukot sya ng limang piso at iniabot sa bata na ang sabi: "Amang, narinig ng Diyos ang panalangin mo at heto tanggapin mo ang perang ito at ibili mo ng pagkain".

Tumingala ang bata sa pulis, kinuha nya ang limang pisong iniabot at muling yumuko para manalangin: "Panginoon, salamat po sa pagdinig ninyo sa aking panalangin, pero sana naman po sa uli-uli wag na ninyong pararaanin pa sa pulis, kasi malaki na ang bawas".

7.
TITSER: Ano ang PAST TENSE sa LABA?
Blog Ong: Naglaba mam!
TITSER: Tama! Ano ang PRESENT TENSE?
Blog Ong: Naglalaba!
TITSER: Tama! Ano naman ang FUTURE TENSE?
Blog Ong: MAGSASAMPAY mam!

8.
PILITA CORRALES - Asia 's Queen of Song
LANI MISALUCHA - Asia 's Nightingale
REGINE VELASQUEZ - Asia 's Song Bird
GLORIA MACAPAGAL ARROYO - "Mole of Asia "

9.

Nasabihan ka na bang, "Uy, ganda mo ngumiti ah, killer smile!"
Tas ang sagot mo naman, "Ah talaga? Wow tenk u!"

Ikaw nasabihan ka na bang maganda ka ngumiti?

Naniwala ka naman?

PAANO BA NGUMITI ANG MGA ANIMAL????

1. Ngiting King Kong
Ganito ngumiti ang mga ninuno ng mga taga-Amazon. Ganito ngumiti ang mga disipolo ni Charles Darwin. Sila yung mga taong hanggang ngayon naniniwala na galing sila sa lahing unggoy. Hindi nila matanggap na sila ay nagkatawang tao at hindi na unggoy.



2. Ngiting Totoy Mola
Ganito naman ngumiti ang mga papabols ng mga...churva. Kapag ganito ngumiti ang boyfriend mo, maswerte ka. Kung bakit? Alam mo na yun.

Malalaki at maseselan ang mga taong ganito. Sila din ay mabibilis (sa lahat ng bagay). Higit sa lahat ito ang mga taong laging tumatambay sa karerahan at tumataya sa...lotto.

Marami din ganitong ngumiti sa tanyag na Wright Park sa Baguio. Marami at sagana sila kung umihi. Madalas sakop sa buong barangay ang panghi ng kanilang ihi. Pero at least, makapal ang kanilang balat.

Mag-ingat sa kanila sapagkat sila ay manyakis!


3. Ngiting Prince Frog
Isa ka bang diwata o prinsesa? Malamang ganito ngumiti ang iyong Prince Charming. Sila yung mga taong kailangan ng maraming halik para maging tao. Kung hindi, forever na silang kokak at tatanda at tatawaging King Frog. Pero masarap silang i-adobo. Exotic.

Madalas sila din pala yung mga "Green Minded". Lahat na lang ng bagay bibibigyan nila ng kapilyuhan. Tulad ng "Wow, ang laki ng hinaharap mo ah!"

Ngiti pa lang alam mo na ang ibig nila sabihin.


4. Ngiting CopyCat
Ganito ngumiti ang mga cheater sa school. Kapag may nakita kang ganito ngumiti during examinations, iwasan mo na at humanap ng ligtas na upuan para di ka niya tabihan sapagkat 100% ito yung taong di nagrereview.

Papasok lang pag exam tas aasa sa katabi. Sila din yung mga taong madalas walang assignment.

Pero at least, sila yung maaagang pumasok sa school. (Kasi magha-haunting sila ng pagkokopyahan ng sagot sa assignment)


5. Ngiting Bulldog
Ganito ngumiti yung mga bantay sa airport, bus station, terminals, at mga raid. Eksperto sila sa paghanap ng mga bomba, droga, smuggled goods at kung ano-anu pang mga illegal na bagay.

Sila ang mga bida kapag may bomb threat. At sila din kontrabida kapag may rally.

Mag-ingat sa kanila sapagkat sila ay may rabies!

6. Ngiting Babes
Sila naman ang mga health conscious (in short masisiba sa pagkain! Ang favorite tambayan nila...KUSINA! And the place they hated most? The Gym!

Kaaway sila ng mga jeepney driver. Kasi nagbabayad sila ng isa para sa dalawang upuan. Iniiwasan din silang isakay sa mga pedicab. At sila din ang may kagagawan kung bakit nauubusan ka ng sarili mong baon pag recess.

7. Ngiting Magdalena
Madalas mo silang makita sa gabi. Nakakaakit. Nakakatukso. Mabango at Malakas tumawa. Wahahaha!

Sa gabi sila kumakayod. Sa gabi rin sila lumilipad ng mababa. At sa gabi rin sila natutulog.

Magdalena kung sila ay tawagin, at hindi sisikat si F.Aguillar kung hindi dahil sa kanila.


8. Ngiting Tanggalable
Madalas silang kainggitan...ng mga bungal. Sapagkat sila ay may pustiso.

Ngunit sila ay tipid ngumiti, sapagkat ayaw nila ipakita ang kanilang gilagid.

Sila ay magastos sa toothpaste, sapagkat pati ngala-ngala ay ini-is-is.

Ngunit sila ay walang problema sa toothdecay at masakit na ngipin, sapagkat ang teeth nila ay detachable.

Malas lang nila kapag itinakbo ng daga ang ngipin nila.




9. Ngiting Killersmile
Nakakita ka na ba ng taong ngiti palang...wow!? Sila yun. Kung nasan man sila, nandun sila ngayon.

Ngiti ang kumbaga asset nila, pero "the breathe" naman ang liability.

Sila yung madalas mag-bubblegum at bibilutin pagkatapos at ididikit sa ilalim ng mesa.

Malas mo lang kapag sa ibabaw ng upuan nila idinikit at iyong naupuan.

Mas malas kapag kinurot ka ng nanay mo at inupakan dahil sa bubblegum na iyong pantalon.




10. Ngiting Blog Ong

Swabe!

Simple pero may dating. Yan ang ngiting Blog Ong. Ngiti pa lang, mai-ihi este maiinlove ka na.

Pagkatapos mo magbasa at magrelax sa Blog Ong, lalabas kang may "Tatak Blog Ong"

Ang buhay ay masaya.
Basta may tumatawa.

Yan ang Blog Ong...Blog na Masaya!

Seryoso ako ngayon.

Napakaraming tanong ang dumadaloy sa aking utak. Di ko na ito kaya. Ayoko na. Tama na. Sobra na. Litung-lito na ako...

Sinong sasagot?

1. Ano ang synonym ng "Thesaurus?"
2. Ang asin ba napapanis din?
3. Si Jollibee ba kumakain din sa McDonalds? (vice versa)
4. Ano ang english ng balot?
5. Nagegel ba si Son Gokou?
6. Bakit walang bibig si Hello Kitty?
7. May nalunod na bang seaman at lifeguard?
8. May nasunog na bang firestation?
9. Bakit pa tayo kumakain, e magugutom din naman tayo mamaya?
10. Kapag kalbo ang chef, kailangan pa ba niya ng hairnet?
11. Kung meron lightspeed at soundspeed, meron din bang smellspeed?
12. Pwede ka bang umiyak sa ilalim ng tubig?
13. Naaalala ba ng mga butterflies ang buhay nila nung caterpillar pa sila?
14. Ano ang english ng pink, beige, magenta, at puscha?
15. Ano ang apelyido ni Pink, Enya at Akon?
16. Ano ang ibig sabihin ng Dictionary?
17. May bulag din bang langaw?
18. Ang lason ba pag na-expired, nakakalason pa rin?
19. Ano ang tagalog ng hamburger?
20. Bakit may plastik ang tae ng pusa?
21. Bakit sampu lang ang sampung utos ng Dios?
22. Bakit ang pizza nakalagay sa square box?
23. Lahat ba ng flight stewardess marunong lumipad?
24. Bakit ka naligo? Aalis ka ba?
25. Ilan ang kulay ng budhi?
26. Sino ang pinakamatangkad na unano?
27. Pwede bang uminom ng softdrinks during coffee brake?
28. Kapag ang pagong tinanggal sa shell, homeless ba siya o naked?
29. Batas ba ang coleslaw?
30. Pwede bang magpuyat sa araw?
31. May nalunod na bang isda?
32. Meron bang isdang hindi marunong lumangoy?
33. Ang babyfish ba nagagatas din? (hehe tanong ng pamangkin ko)
34. Paano matulog ang kuba?
35. Sa Malabon lang ba pwedeng kumain ng pansit malabon?
36. May nightswimming ba sa tanghali?
37. Nasubukan niyo na bang magpuyat sa umaga?
38. Si Spiderman ba ang nagpauso ng website?
39. Bakit may baog, e diba hindi nabubuntis o nakakabuntis ang baog?
40. Totoo ba na ang taong malaki ang sapatos, malaki ang paa?
41. Pwede bang gawin na lang sa monday ang easter sunday?
42. Bakit sa gabi lang itinitinda ang balot?
43. Bakit hindi pwede mag-almusal sa gabi?
44. Marunong ba mag-isip ang mga tanga?
45. Bata pa ba lola mo?
46. Naiinsulto ba mga baboy kapag sinabihan mo silang payat?
47. Ang pussycat ba may pussy? (patnubay ng magulang ay kailangan)
48. Bakit ine-sterilize pa nila yung ginagamit na needle sa lethal injection?
49. May interpreter bang ngongo?
50. Bakit pag nagtanan hindi dapat magpaalam sa magulang?
51. Meron bang Bicol Express na di maanghang?
52. Kung mamatay ka, bakit hindi pa ngayon?
53. Ang Night Bowl ba pwedeng gawin sa umaga?
54. Nagpaparebond din kaya si Rapunzel? (tanong ulit ng pamangkin ko)
55. Paano tumutubo ang seedless na orange, grapes at apple?
56. Ang lamok ba pag natutulog, nilalamok din?
57. During lunch lang ba pwede gamitin ang lunchbox? (tanong ng isa ko pang pamangkin)
58. Nagsasara ba ng 24-hour Mercury Drug?
59. May bulaklak bang kulay green?
60. If you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant...what will you do? (tanong ng teacher ko sa science...ala rin syang kwenta!)
61. Kung ang pangalan mo "Ikaw" at pangalan ko "Ako", tas tinanong kita "Sino pangit?" ano isasagot mo?
62. Ano pangalan ni Sleeping Beauty? (tanong ng lola ko, matanda na di pa alam!)
63. Calculator ba ang Aurora?
64. Ang mga tax collectors ba nagbabayad ng tax?
65. Paano mangulangot si Pinnochio kapag humahaba ilong niya?
66. Si Judas ba nagbabayad din sa jeep?
67. Yung conductor ba sa opera, siya rin yung conductor sa jeep?
68. Ang ipis ba pag dinapuhan ng kapwa ipis, nandidiri din?
69. Maasim ba ang panis na sinigang?
70. Gaano ba talaga kadalas ang minsan? (tanong ng mga adik sa teleserye)
71. Pag bumili ka ba ng plastic, ipinaplastic pa rin?
72. Ang dighay ba pag nilunok nagiging utot?
73. Nauuhaw din ba ang mga fish?
74. Pag dadalawa lang ba kayo na nasa elevator at kinalabit mo ang kasama mo, malalaman kaya nya?
75. Bakit binibilog ang kulangot bago patalsikin?
76. Bakit ang mga fingers natin di magkakapareho ang size?
77. Pagbinuhat ba kita tapos binuhat mo ko, lulutang ba tayo?
78. What did the bench mark? Why is the stop light? Where did Rizal Park? Where did the Teachers Camp? Where did Johnson Go? Why is Lucio Tan? What did Henry Sy? Why is Ben Gay? Why is Alma Moreno?
79. If I am here on earth to help others, what the heck are the others on earth for?!
80. Totoo bang may tanong na walang sagot?
81. Bakit ka napapaluha pag nagbubunot ka ng buhok sa ilong?
82. Nakakarating ba ang FedEx sa residence ni God?
83. Nagpapadala rin kaya ang LBC sa DHL?
84. Ibinabangko rin kaya ng mga banks ang pera nila?
85. Sinong song writer ng Bahay Kubo?
86. Bakit ang utot di na lang sa ilong lumabas?
87. Ang tae ba ng langaw nilalangaw din?
88. Ano ang ingles ng singaw?
89. Naiinlove din kaya mga pike sa mga sakang?
90. Ano ang tagalog ng toothpaste?
91. Bakit ang mga istasyong ng police natin walang guwardiya?
92. May wrong spelling ba sa spelling contest?
93. Bakit ang glue, paste at mighty bond hindi dumidikit sa kanilang lalagyan?
94. Ang mga dentist ba nagpapabunot din ng ngipin?
95. Paano patayin ang ipis?
96. Totoo bang may mabahong pabango?
97. May naka-sachet na bang gasolina?
98. Bakit ang mga teacher magsusulat sa blackboard tas buburahin din?
99. Nagpupustahan din kaya mga seahorse pag nagkakarera sila?
100. Bakit ba ang dami kong tanung?

Ayoko na. Tama na. Nauutot na ako sa katatawa.

Sawa na tayo sa mga nakakaantok na salawikain...

Nais na nating batuhin ang Pilipino titser natin sa harapan na kulang nalang e lamunin ng lupa sa katandaan.

Bigyan natin ng kulay ang ating sariling wika...eto na ang mga bagong pilipinong salawikain!

Ating sampulan!